


Illogical Words

by xdluhman (deirdrepaterson)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Farewell letter, Sad, but not like a suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 14:51:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11420283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deirdrepaterson/pseuds/xdluhman
Summary: At the end of all things, there is silence. Words can only be expressed on paper, never to be seen by the intended reader.(Sarek writes a final letter to Amanda as she passes.)





	Illogical Words

**Author's Note:**

> I found this as a WIP on my computer yesterday and felt appropriately moody to finish it.

My Beloved Amanda Grayson,

  
This letter, which you will never get the chance to see, is to be the last illogical act in a long string, driven by the least and most logical emotion: love. As I write this, I can feel the last remnants of our bond fade into nothingness. I must write this by hand rather than dictation as I cannot speak a single word; the grief has driven me to weeping.

  
We knew all along that this day would come. My lifespan exceeded yours by many decades. Nevertheless, I failed to truly prepare for the eventuality of your death. Even as you aged I failed to consider what would occur after your passing. I never considered the regrets that would rest heavily on my heart.

  
I regret many things, but most I would not change, given the chance. Some of these regrets were necessary. But more than anything else, I regret not showing you the love and affection you deserved. I suspect that you were ever aware of how much I loved thee, but I regret never telling you so, never showing you this truth in flagrant actions. In spite of all my deviations, my Vulcan heritage reigns supreme.

  
And now that heritage drives me to seek another mate. We knew that would be the outcome of our marriage, that I must take another into my bed after your death as Vulcan biology demands. Likely my new mate will be human, as you were. Few Vulcans my age are unbonded, so I must look elsewhere. I have thought to take a mate who is not female, who cannot in any way be seen as a mere replacement for you, but I know you would not have me deny myself for the sake of your memory. You always sacrificed more than I in the name of compromise.

  
Compromise. A concept I never managed to master on the level of personal affairs despite my decades of service as an ambassador. I deeply regret that my inability to compromise has once again torn me asunder from our only child. It was always at your behest that we would reconcile, and now as you pass away I cannot help but suspect that we may never reconcile again. Though he understands my predicament, I doubt he will look kindly on whomever my next bondmate is. Perhaps there is a chance that his own bondmate may bring us to reconciliation, but without you, beloved, it seems most unlikely.

  
It was all most unlikely. From the first day we met to the day our bonding was approved to the day Spock was conceived we defied the odds. But death does not gamble such as we do. Your lifespan was the one statistic we could not beat.

  
Farewell, my beloved, may you rest in peace.

  
Forever yours,

  
S'chn T'gai Sarek

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. And I don't mean to rag on Perrin (Sarek's second? wife), but she struck me as very dull and Vulcanesque for a human (I think she was human? I don't remember for sure and I'm too lazy to look it up). Perhaps Sarek didn't want someone who reminded him of Amanda so much?  
> If this made you feel anything please leave me a comment! I think about Sarek a lot and I want to know how others feel about my characterization of him.


End file.
